What It Means to Be Foreign
Living in my non-native country for almost 10 years, I now boast of being a professional foreigner. Below are the basic characteristics of being foreign.
First of all, you get to appreciate small things, such as people being kind to you and saying hello on the street. What might seem normal turns into something to be grateful for. It does make you a better person - I think- by learning how to appreciate things, but on the darker side, it means that you are always ready to encounter sudden attacks. It happens in a split second when people hurl abusive words or give you a look. Without realising why, your body immediately becomes hot, and your blood rushes. You just know it stabbed you deeply, and there is no way to deal with it.
The good news is that you actually get to learn how to control it by repeated practice. You learn what to react to and what to ignore. You can be a good Buddhist, if you are already! According to Buddhism, you create Karma by generating emotions in response to what’s around you. As long as you can just observe without creating certain emotions or energies, you won’t create Karma. Yes, Om- I’m reducing my Karma. Om… wait, was Om Hinduism?
Despite all those inconveniences, the reason I choose to stay foreign is to realise how small I am and who I really am by observing myself from a different point of view, away from all the conditions around me. Being foreign strips you off from all the context of yourself—your culture, family, upbringing, education, and so on. You are just a foreigner. Or specifically, just a Chinese girl—even though I’m Korean. I am free under that mask.
It’s surprising how I can be perceived in so many different ways; it’s almost like an incidental art installation. During my time as a posh master’s student in New York, I was once waiting for an early morning bus and saw a guy waving at me feverishly. Later, I realised he thought I was a hooker. Haha, I can live hundreds of different lives in other people’s eyes! I enjoy being outside their pyramid cycle, just exhibiting myself as one of the outcasts of societal norms. I’m free from their judgement, because I do not belong to their system of boxes anyway. I don’t fit into their category.
So here I go. I go on with my life as a foreigner again. My landlady is angry about a young boy cycling fast on pavement, and I think I do not have time to be angry to all of those stuffs, otherwise I will end up using all my day being angry at something that does not matter to me. Just don’t create Karma. Just go on. At least I’m free. Freedom is my biggest currency. That’s my perk of being a foreigner.
